Letting the cat outta the bag

On Sunday, I told Dave about Elliott's problem. I thought he might be understanding, even helpful. Oh, no! His first rant was about how much our insurance would go up, I wouldn't be able to drive to work, we'd go bankrupt, yada, yada, yada. His second rant was about how nobody ever tells him anything (uh, yeah, you flip your shit every time!).

Rant #1: Elliott has pushed us down the pit of financial ruin. "I'll drop him from my policy". Get that, "my policy", not "our policy". Your son is in trouble and your first thought is to drop him like a hot rock? What will that solve? What about the Princess and her role in this? What about fatherly guidance? Doesn't matter. Elliott screwed up. It's his fault. He has ruined us all. According to Dave. Elliott is welcome to move back home and get a job. That way, he will have to answer to the almighty dad. I think his words were "I can control him". When I told him that his response was cold and unfeeling, that lead to:

Rant #2:Nobody ever tells dad anything. What have we never told him? The only answer that he had was the fact that I didn't tell him about my childhood abuse until we had been married for over 20 years. I only told him at the insistence of my therapist. I wish I had never done it. Ever since then, his behavior towards me has changed. I have become the "damaged goods" that I feared I would be. He no longer puts his arm around me or sits with me or talks to me (he says I never listen, anyway). What in the world does that issue have to do with Elliott, anyway?? He accused me of being angry. When he called me in December when Thom was dying, he said I was angry and that's why he didn't even wish me "Happy Birthday". I wasn't angry, I was shocked and consumed with grief!! He says that "every time" Catie calls me, I snap at her and am angry.

Bottom line: this is all my problem, not his. The truth is that I have dealt with what's past. It's behind me. I wasn't responsible for it, I can't change it. I can do as Christ taught: I can forgive.
Dave refused to eat all day Sunday. Here I am, prepping for a colonoscopy Monday morning, and he's having a pity party! I told him that he would be of no use to me if his blood sugar bottomed out and I had to drive both of us home, when I'm not supposed to drive at all! He refused to speak. When he tried to put his arm around me at the surgery center, I pulled away. I don't need it! He has become a bitter person who blames everything on everyone rather than looking inside himself. Oh boy, another "Good Christian". It's so easy to see the faults in others and ignore your own.