Home again

Elliott came home yesterday. He's still obnoxious and argumentative, but he's here. Maybe he'll learn something in the next few weeks.
Part of the problem, I think, is that Dadqat makes threats but never follows through. "I'll take the car", "I'll cut off your phone", "I'll take you right back to Huntington". When he finally took the car, I think he was as surprised as anyone! The only reason that he took it was because ET was letting Princess drive it. No one in the family can convince ET that we (Dadquat and I) would be held legally liable if Princess causes a wreck and injures/kills someone. The car is registered under our names! We pay for the tags and insurance. She is not covered under our insurance. My BIL suggested that we have her arrested for auto theft if we catch her driving the car again. Not a problem. It is safely tucked away in storage until ET's legal problems are over.
On the legal front; I have talked to our lawyer. I was told the following: ET blew a 0.09, that's legally drunk. Even if ET passed the field sobriety test twice, that 0.09 makes him drunk. Since this is his first offense, he will be required to serve 24 hours in jail (he didn't like the 8-10 hours he's already served!), complete DUI classes, surrender his license for 3-6 months, and pay any assessed fines and court costs. All of this happens without a lawyer! Paying a lawyer (anywhere from 2,000-5,000 dollars!) could result in all charges being dropped IF the arresting officer failed to "dot all his I(s) and cross all his T(s)". That's a lot of money for an IF!
The DUI classes are offered through local mental health providers. The classes in our area are extremely limited. They are held from 9am-1pm, every Monday, for 8 weeks. If the class has already started when someone calls to register, that person has to wait till the next series of classes begins. The classes cost $250.00, payable by cash or money order only! I have ET registered in the local classes, but he has no intention of hanging around here till late April!
My next feat of dexterity and skill will be to register him in classes in Huntington and call a couple of lawyers in that area to find out what their fee will be. I'm considering letting him go to court without a lawyer, even though Mark Twain said that "anyone who represents himself in court has a fool for a client"! Why not let this be a real learning experience for him!

A prayer request

I don't know if anyone besides Catie reads this, but if anyone does, please pray for my Elliott. He is in desperate need of guidance, unfortunately, the guidance that Dave and I are offering is not what he wants to hear. He wants to solve his problems on his own. Or he wants us to give him the money to fix things so he can keep on living the way he is.
Elliott is not into drugs or gambling. He is involved with a girl that I am convinced is Satan's spawn. Since he has started seeing her, he only calls me when he is at work. He won't be seen near this girl's job with his own sister (he can't associate with any females). Girlfriend deposited his tax refund check into her account and told him that she was going to use the money, he couldn't have it. She has been driving the car that was given to Elliott to use. The car is registered licensed, and insured in Dave's name. We can't convince Elliott that, if she is involved in an accident and someone in the other car is injured, or worse, killed, we will be held liable and could lose everything we have. He just doesn't believe us.
Since Elliott has continued to let girlfriend drive the car, Dave went to get it tonight. It will be stored until after Elliott's court date. Once he is allowed to drive again (see previous Elliott posts), he will get the car back. Of course, Elliott was incensed. He gave Dave the keys and his phone and said he would no longer talk to any of us. I am convinced that taking the car is the right thing to do, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I fear for Elliott. He is not safe with this girl. She doesn't care about him. She is interested in herself and what she can get from others. His well being is of no concern to her. I don't want any harm to come to my child, but I have to let him learn that his actions have consequences.
Please pray for him with me.

knitting, gauge and tiny hats

After a looong break (how about 15 years), I started knitting a couple of years ago. I started small, making scarves, gloves, toys, and baby hats. Little projects tend to satisfy those of us with a short attention span. If it can be finished in a weekend, it can be done! I have progressed to more complicated projects: cables, lace, larger garments and blankets.
All projects start with a gauge swatch. For some, knitting the swatch is like slow torture! You get this really yummy new yarn and you're jumping at the chance to dive into a new project, then, screeeeech!Hold it! You've got to invest a little time in making that gauge swatch! Really! Do you HAVE to do this? Absolutely! Unless you want that beautiful sweater to end up fitting Great Aunt Gladys!Suck it up, make the swatch. Adjust your needle size so that your gauge is as close to the pattern's as possible. The time you spend making that little square will save you a lot of heartache later. Unless you really want to give that sweater to Great Aunt Gladys for Christmas!
What to do with dozens of little knitted squares? Since they're supposed to be four inches square, I've decided to save them for a future afghan! I add ten stitches to the total number in the swatch and work ten extra rows. For example: if 22 stitches and 34 rows should work up to four inches, I cast on 32 stitches and work 44 rows. The first and last 5 stitches are worked in garter stitch (knit every row) and the first and last 5 rows are knit in garter stitch. The garter stitch border makes a frame for the gauge swatch. It's really easy to measure the gauge this way. Plus, I don't feel like I've wasted valuable knitting time. I have another square for my eventual afghan!
Sometimes, a "brainless" project is needed. Superbowl, Daytona 500, NCAA Tourney, World Series (notice that mine all involve sports?!?) all require brainless projects. This is a project that is so repetitive that it requires no thinking, and very little looking at the work. My favorite brainless project is knitted baby hats. These hats consist of a 2x2 ribbing (knit 2, purl 2), topped off by a series of stockinette st decrease rows. Stitch up the back seam, and you're done! I can make a couple of hats for 2 pound babies in an evening!
Please click on "Brenham's hats" at the right for information about a really worthwhile project. Kate wants to send a basket of hats, blankets, and other preemie items to the NICU where her little Brenham spent his all to short life. My heart goes out to Kate and her husband. Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time. A time to anticipate the little life that will soon join the family. A time to imagine all of the things to come. No one ever imagines that that time will end tragically with a miscarriage or an infant death. My own Catie and her husband lost a baby last fall. I would have given my own life to protect them from such anguish! There will always be a missing piece to the family. Lots of families, like Kate and Catie's, develop projects like this one to help ease the ache in their hearts. By supporting others who are in the situation they were in, they honor the memory of the little angel who touched their lives. If you aren't able to send Kate a little hat or blanket, check with your local hospital. Most NICUs are happy to take contributions. A hand knit or crocheted hat made by loving hands gives comfort unlike any other to the frightened parents of a tiny or sick baby.
Knitting requires that you learn only 2 stitches: knit and purl. A tiny hat takes only an evening to work up. The impact on the lives of a family who receive a tiny, hand made hat is limitless! If anyone who reads this would like a pattern for an easy knit hat, please email me at currtail@yahoo.com. I'll be glad to send you a copy.

Colon Cancer

Colon cancer is the most preventable cancer there is. No one should ever die from it. Prevention is simple: get a colonoscopy! I had my first one on Monday. Even with no family history of colon cancer, everyone should be screened at age 50. If polyps (little tag-like growths inside the colon) are found, they are removed right then. The polyps are sent to pathology to determine if they are benign or precancerous. You will be told by your doctor when your colonoscopy should be repeated. If nothing is found, you're good to go for 10 years!
I think the prep is something that most people dread. Trust me: it's not that bad! Stop taking aspirin, vitamins with iron, iron supplements, and NSAIDs about a week before the test, or when your doctor recommends. Since my test was done in Roanoke (a 2+ hour drive from home), I got a hotel room for the night before. Clear liquids are required the day before the test. Anything you can see through and drink, and lots of it! You can even drink Coke! I once had a patient who asked if rum was considered a clear liquid. I told him that it was, but I wouldn't recommend it during the prep! Anway, I took 2 little pink pills (dulcolax-a potent laxative) at around noon. After the first poo, I started drinking "half-lightly". It's an odd tasting purgative. It comes with little flavor packets to make it taste better. As if! I chose the lemon-lime. Yuck! This stuff tastes like really soft water with lots of salt. I had to drink one cup every 10 minutes till it was all gone. When I got about 2/3 of the way through, I thought the bottle was magically refilling itself! It seemed like I was never going to get to the end. At that point, I was also drinking a cup and running to the bathroom. Sorry, this is gross. It really only takes about an hour and a half to finish off the bottle. If it's possible to poop your brains out, by 10pm I was a moron! This is the yucchiest part, but it needs to be explained: your poo can have color as long as no solids are present. I had everything, and I mean everything, out of my system by 11pm.
I checked in to the surgery center at 6:30 Monday morning. The nursing staff was wonderful! I changed into one of the beautiful designer backless gowns and put some blue paper booties on. The only thing of mine I got to keep on was my socks! Be sure to leave all jewelery at home! I couldn't even leave my hair clips in! The nurse who started my IV was amazing! I have the worst veins in the world and she got it in one stick! It didn't even hurt. A brief meeting with the surgeon and anesthesiologist and I was on my way. Dave walked with us to the place where he went to the waiting room and I went to the OR. I got a shot of "happy juice" and don't even remember going through the door! I do remember getting positioned on the stretcher, but then, I was out. Next thing I knew, I was being awakened on my way to recovery. I was awake about 10 minutes before I was told that I could get dressed. I was able to walk to the bathroom with no trouble at all, dressed, drank a Diet Coke, got my pictures (suitable for framing if you want!), and was ready for discharge. I was out the door at 10:30.
I had no nausea and no pain afterward. Most of the way home, in fact, most of the rest of the day, I slept. Anesthesia dreams are weird! I dreamt that Dave got mad at everyone and took a sledge hammer and busted up our toilets (must be an offshoot of the prep!), that Elliott was 6 years old and wanted to sleep in my bed like he used to (a kid who needs his Momma's hug?), and that someone was taking all my blankets...and I was COLD! I was sorta kinda awake and was aware that I was pulling on a blanket mumbling "It's mine!". Actually, it was Dave taking the small blanket Catie had made for him. He slept on the couch so he "Wouldn't bother me". Tuesday morning, life was back to normal, or as normal as it gets in my house. Mitchie is in raging heat, the dishes are dirty, and the laundry needs to be done!
So, you see, a colonoscopy is really not a big deal. It's fast, easy and painless. Besides, how often do you get the chance to show your butt and get away with it?!?

One other thing: Dave's raves (for 200, Alex!) were the result of anxiety over this stuff. I should know better by now, but I'm a slow learner! All is well at the house of Qatz!

Letting the cat outta the bag

On Sunday, I told Dave about Elliott's problem. I thought he might be understanding, even helpful. Oh, no! His first rant was about how much our insurance would go up, I wouldn't be able to drive to work, we'd go bankrupt, yada, yada, yada. His second rant was about how nobody ever tells him anything (uh, yeah, you flip your shit every time!).

Rant #1: Elliott has pushed us down the pit of financial ruin. "I'll drop him from my policy". Get that, "my policy", not "our policy". Your son is in trouble and your first thought is to drop him like a hot rock? What will that solve? What about the Princess and her role in this? What about fatherly guidance? Doesn't matter. Elliott screwed up. It's his fault. He has ruined us all. According to Dave. Elliott is welcome to move back home and get a job. That way, he will have to answer to the almighty dad. I think his words were "I can control him". When I told him that his response was cold and unfeeling, that lead to:

Rant #2:Nobody ever tells dad anything. What have we never told him? The only answer that he had was the fact that I didn't tell him about my childhood abuse until we had been married for over 20 years. I only told him at the insistence of my therapist. I wish I had never done it. Ever since then, his behavior towards me has changed. I have become the "damaged goods" that I feared I would be. He no longer puts his arm around me or sits with me or talks to me (he says I never listen, anyway). What in the world does that issue have to do with Elliott, anyway?? He accused me of being angry. When he called me in December when Thom was dying, he said I was angry and that's why he didn't even wish me "Happy Birthday". I wasn't angry, I was shocked and consumed with grief!! He says that "every time" Catie calls me, I snap at her and am angry.

Bottom line: this is all my problem, not his. The truth is that I have dealt with what's past. It's behind me. I wasn't responsible for it, I can't change it. I can do as Christ taught: I can forgive.
Dave refused to eat all day Sunday. Here I am, prepping for a colonoscopy Monday morning, and he's having a pity party! I told him that he would be of no use to me if his blood sugar bottomed out and I had to drive both of us home, when I'm not supposed to drive at all! He refused to speak. When he tried to put his arm around me at the surgery center, I pulled away. I don't need it! He has become a bitter person who blames everything on everyone rather than looking inside himself. Oh boy, another "Good Christian". It's so easy to see the faults in others and ignore your own.

Elliott

I think Elliott is beginning to understand just how much trouble he's in. Thanks to Princess Sam, the chick who calls in domestic abuse reports whenever she gets mad, Elliott has been arrested for DUI. While he did blow a 0.09, he has already served one night in jail and he has voluntarily served a 15 day suspension on his license. As his court date approaches, he is getting more nervous. The possibility of jail is frightening to him. I don't blame him. The possibility of Dave finding out about this is even more frightening. Elliott knows that his dad will hit the roof! Of course, by my not telling Dave, I'm not in a very good position either! The whole situation aggravates me a bit. But for the fact that Princess had called the police with that phony domestic report, and given a description of Elliott's car, he never would have been pulled and this whole situation wouldn't exist. If the cop had been out arresting some of the druggies that seem to be running rampant in Huntington, rather than looking for a kid in a blue PT Cruiser, this situation wouldn't exist (I suppose that even cops take the path of least resistance!). I'm not excusing Elliott's actions. He should not have driven after he had 2 beers. But, he was removing himself from a volatile situation at Princess' apartment and he had no choice. I just wish he had not decided to go back and live with her after she did this to him.
He has also shown some effort towards getting his bills paid. I have explained to him what he needs to do and, in his own special way, he has given me the information that I need. I haven't been easy on him. He will have to adhere to a budget and there will be no frills to it! If he wants to save his credit rating, he will have to make sacrifices.
I'm also grateful for the words of wisdom that have gone to him from Chris and Catie. Sometimes, he'll listen to them before he'll listen to Dave or me. Even when they don't think he hears them.
Sometimes, life's lessons are best remembered if they are learned the hard way. I pray for Elliott many times each day! "Train up a child in the way he should go and, when he is old, he will not depart from it." It doesn't mean that they won't wander, it just means that our loving Shepherd will guide them back when they do.

Super Bowl

The Super Bowl was a lot of fun and not just because the Steelers won! We had a Super Bowl party, sort of. Chris brought Aaron over to enjoy the game with us. I really like her. She has a sense of humor that fits right in with our family. In fact, when I brought up a reference from "Oliver Twist" ("Please, sir, I want some more!"), she joined right in! When the Steelers' owner was interviewed, she said "That's Mickey Rooney's brother!", exactly what I was thinking. It was scary! We had a really great time. She's welcome at our house an time!