Having it all

For many years, women have been told they can/can't have it all. There are several questions that go along with this statement: What is "it all", why do we want it, and why don't men seem to worry about it?
From what I've seen and heard, "it" is career and family. Men have balanced these two things for centuries. Whether they've done it well is still up for debate. They work and, traditionally, come home to a clean house, delicious dinner, and well behaved kids, all courtesy of an adoring wife. Over the last forty or so years, tradition has been turned on its ear. Women have entered the workforce and the family has become dependent on two incomes to survive. Staying home with the children has become a luxury. Sometimes it's dad who stays home because mom makes more money.
Why do we want a career and a family? I was raised to believe that I should not depend on anyone to support me. This stems from my mother's upbringing. My grandfather died three months before she was born. My grandmother, a "feriner" from Ireland, had no marketable skills. She raised four children during the Depression by doing laundry. Ma went to secretarial school, as did many of her peers, and was able to support herself before Pop came along. I can't remember a time when I was growing up that Ma didn't work. She had "it" before women were aware that they wanted "it". She did a fantastic job raising independent daughters. My sister, Kathy, became a teacher and I became a nurse. No female nuclear physicist or engineer from her genes! So having a career, a way to support oneself, is something that everyone should do.
Having a family is one of the biggest joys, and stressors, that a couple can share. Each age brings different experiences. Women face pressure to stay at home and to return to the workforce. If we decide to stay at home, we "couldn't hack it" in the business world. To the contrary, we learn to manage a budget (do more with less), manage time(clean when the baby naps), manage crises(10 pm: "Mom, I need 5 dozen cupcakes tomorrow!"), and negotiate (brother gets swing for 30 minutes, then sister gets it). If we return to the workforce, we face the guilt of "abandoning" our children. Even though children learn valuable social skills in a quality day care, it's hard to leave them. I hated doing it! In the long run, it did my kids more good than harm.
Unfortunately, women get the bulk of the housework whether we have a job or not! I know several women whose husbands are stay at home dads. These women still cook dinner, clean bathrooms, and do laundry. What does dad do all day? Why do these women still do housework?
Dave and I have shared chores for years. It has been a necessity. I'm not going to work and then put in another 12 hours at home! He cleans up out of self defense! He is a fabulous cook. Now that I'm working full time and he's retired, he does the bulk of the housework. While he and I have a different perception of "clean", I will not often criticize. I do that out of self defense!
"Having it all" has never seemed to matter to men. It shouldn't matter to us, either. When it comes right down to it, I think you have it all if you are content. To work or stay home, to have children or not is totally up to the individual.